Wednesday, September 16, 2015

A Sermon to Myself & A Serving of Oat-Less Oatmeal 

This one time - I got beat up at work.
mentally, emotionally, verbally punched... or so it felt.

To spare details,  an insurance company once again denied prescription coverage for an insanely pricey drug. When explaining this, I got out maybe 2 sentences- PUNCH, a left hook of really mean words straight to my face. I apologized (on behalf of? the insurance company?) and tried to further explain our options. PUNCH. STOMP. STOMP... right out of the store. Such a scene that other customers commented on the behavior.

I was left embarrassed and doubting my own ability. Did I say the right thing? How could I have handled that better? After discussing all of this with my technicians that witnessed the event, it was conclusive I handled it right and there wasn't much else I could've done. Band-Aids on. Neosporin on. I was ready to continue my day. A mild twinge in my stomach and ramblings in my mind of the situation, but i was thinking I'd be over it in at least an hour.

And then the phone rings. Round 2. First words out.. BAM.BAM.BAM. PUNCH. I stand back up (or decide to address the comments), put on my "service" voice, and calmly repeat my earlier explanations. I apologize. I am so so nice (it was really hard to be), but despite all efforts...PUNCH.PUNCH.and CLICK. Really mean words left me a "loser" in this verbal battle (that I didn't even fight).

Even I know 100% this issue was not my fault, but the words still hurt. The wounds sting. The Band-Aids show. After contemplating and replaying all the encounters over and over, I'm still left feeling like I screwed up, somethings wrong with me, I'm inferior to this person...etc. But none of that is the point. A greater lesson came from this battle. One that is not focused on fights, words, or even hurt feelings- more so, humility.

Being humble in the moment of being treated unfairly, demeaningly, or disrespectfully is not as hard as dealing with the aftermath of those storms. In the moment, I can stay calm, I can whisper "humility" over and over, I can politely handle someones rant. The moments after, the emotions hit me. In one minute I'm wanting to shout my story of how mistreated I was to anyone that will listen, I'm wanting to trash and bash the issuer of the harsh words, and I'm begging for validation that what I received was undeserved. My humility is out the window and although I showed it to avoid conflict, I wonder if my heart was truly acting in humility or instinct.

I am not usually a fighter so my first instinct is no't to become aggressively defensive. But afterwards, I'm left with wounds that need covering and emotions that need restoring. I worry that I tend these wounds with outside conversations, validations, and discussions instead of internal prayer, humility, and discernment.

 I didn't set out to write this blog about me and how I can grow in these moments. I intended to blog about how much I was hurt by someone else and to remind us all not to be mean people. While thats an important reminder, as I write, I realize maybe the message is deeper and maybe the message is for me- not just the readers.

Humility is more than a moment.
A truly humble heart is more than acting humble in a situation that produces humility. It's changing your heart to look beyond your current perspective and truly see the grace God gives to you and that you are required to do that same for someone else. And this isn't a grace that says "yea, i didn't fight back they'll get theirs one day though".

It's a grace like God's.
A grace that is able to love this person despite their overtly wrong behavior. A grace that is able to not think or say bad things about this person to others, even though there may not even be repercussions for it. A grace that doesn't "fake" it the next time the person comes in and is overly nice to make them feel bad but rather having a truly forgiving and accepting heart that forgets the incident all together.

I am literally preaching to myself right now.
I did all of these things in an ungraceful way after being hurt.
I know this post is long, but I think I needed it. I really hope maybe you did to.

I like to include recipes in my posts, so here is a really random, but surprisingly delicious recipe for low calorie oatmeal using no oats at all.

Oat-Less Oats 

150g "Riced"Cauliflower- this recipe works best with frozen cauliflower that is unthawed in the microwave (or steamed on the stovetop) and then "riced" in the blender or food processor.

1/3-1 Scoop Protein Powder of Choice
I love Optimum Nutrition's Blueberries & Cream or Quest          Peanut Butter with this recipe 

2-3 Egg Whites (or ~50g liquid egg whites)


Vanilla Extract

Any Additional Flavoring Extract (pumpkin, almond, lemon, etc) 

Peanut or Almond Butter (I use Nuts N' More Toffee Crunch)

Syrup or Sweettner of choice 

Additional Toppings (fresh fruit, coconut, chocolate chips, pumpkin, etc.)

--> Add egg whites to riced cauliflower (may add additional "splash" of milk or creamer). Mix in protein powder. Stir. Add cinnamon & extracts. Microwave 45 seconds. Stir. Microwave 45 seconds to 1 minute based on consistency you desire. Top with nut butter and additional toppings + a good amount of the syrup and/or a sweetener of choice :)

Macros (for my recipe using Quest Protein and Nuts N' More)
180 Calories: 12C/21P/5F

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